Thursday, January 19, 2012

Parenting impacts : A Short story.

Reading through some parenting books,I've came across some advices that tell you how to treat your kid and how not.

One of the things that rang a bell with me was "Never address a kids mistakes or short comes with titles "bad boy" or "Naughty" or anything that addresses HIM, but to address his mistake,or behavior as wrong,or inappropriate, this way the kid will understand that the shortcoming is with his behavior,which can be corrected,and not with him, addressing him with for his behavior will build up with time for him to believe that the problem is something he is born with,he cannot be fixed,which might lead to catastrophic results.

A Memory that lives within me,a personal experience that was of affect on me for a long time.

it was one of those big family barbecues, everyone is enjoying his shish kabob and basmati rice,everyone is socializing and having a good time, dinner is over, people are sitting and chitchatting,watching TV and enjoying dessert.
my father called my name,and asked me to pour water on the burning charcoal used for the grill.
his words were "pour the water on the charcoal and extinguish the flame"
i was 13-14 years old at that time,i nodded and brought a water filled jug and started to pour the water on the charcoal.

A Shout : "NOT LIKE THAT YOU DUMB", a wave of cracking laughter followed,my father came and snatched the jug from my hand angrily and with a disappointed yet pissed tone he said,"i don't know when will you learn to do something right!"

i was very embarrassed and stunned,i was wondering what did i do so wrongly,to deserve to be humiliated this way.

my father holding the jug now,poured the water on the open palm of his left hand so that water gets dispersed fanned out with the fingers pattern so it covers all the charcoals while the water pours,and not as a single stream of water like we pour into a cup.

looking at him,i understood what he meant,the charcoaled is no longer burning, and a teenage kid is wondering how the hell was i supposed to know this if i was not taught before?

Sure,i know my father wants whats best for me,i love my father,he is the reason why i am who i am as we speak now,i bet dear dad doesn't even remembers that incident and probably will think i am making all this up.

yet,what happened that day never left my memory,it became of those moments that perpetually came back to me to remind me of things i was not supposed to remember,it flashed in front of me the second i read that paragraph in the book,it was not an easily forgettable incident,especially when you are surrounded by a family that loves sarcasm,and roasting someone makes their day.

its tiny moments like these,that you,parents (and i stand among you) do, without even thinking it would sink this deep into your kids mind,that shapes his emotional health.

remember that,folks,and please think before you speak to your kid.

2 comments:

Om Lujain© said...

What a good reminder... it's amazing what we can remember from our childhood! .. il7amdlilah I was blessed with parents who didn't use names on us, but I have an aunt that does nothing but call her sons Ghabi, ahbel, stupid, idiot.... and the list goes on... those boys have been lacking in confidence for as long as I can remember... very sad indeed.... now there have been times when I have gotten very angry at one of the kids.. and I will sit there and say you're a bad boy! After a few seconds... I state you're not a bad boy, but what you did was wrong... It's very hard at times when we are overwhelmed with doing a million things at once... *sigh*

Thank you for this lovely post and reminder! Hope you and your family are in the best of health enshallah.

Laylah said...

I can remember stuff like that from childhood too!
We must be very careful as parents!

I've noticed sometimes I do the same thing,say something like naughty girl,but now I realize I must stop that and concentrate on the action instead! it just somehow comes automatically.

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