Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Rest in Peace

....My cousins death,was by far the deepest event that ever took place in my adulthood,left me with so many questions and so many thoughts i barely pass a day without thinking about it,it changed me.
he was one year older than i am,single,and taking care of his mother and sister since he was 12,he was a week away from finishing his training and starting a new job.
working 12 shifts and comeback home at 10pm half past dead only to find a grumpy mother yelling at him to take her to a wedding,he never disobeyed his mother so he took her,on his way back..a collision happend because he couldnt keep his eyes open.
went to the hospital..two days and discharge papers said nothing wrong with him,with only some contusions that will go away,they gave him paracetamol.
a week after,he couldnt endure the pain he was in,he cant go to the bathroom cos he cant pass anything out..he turned yellow.
all hospitals rejected to take him unless he put a minimum of 5000 Saudi riyals down payment, he went back to the hospital he was admitted in the first time.
upon inspection,he was diagnosed with an undiagnosed lacerated intestine,and his feces were pooling in his abdomen from that wound.
went to surgery,from surgery to ICU from sepsis,from ICU to the hands of his creator.
his death caught us all off guard,it took me a week to realize that his death actually meant he is dead,i kept asking my dad what do u mean he is dead? are u sure he is not just asleep or in a coma? then it slowly settled. he is gone. forever.

he was the person in our family that went through the most struggle throughout his life,from the day his parents got separated,to the day he died,literally. he only finished high school, then he looked for a job to support his family,he might have done alot of wrong in his life,but he NEVER failed his mother,always there,and always provided food on the table.
we grew up together,i remember everytime we got into a fight,everytime we laughed,everytime we both got beaten by my dad for doing somthing wrong.
i remember the day we stole grandpas car,we almost hit the wall of our nextdoor.

now that he is gone,i recall everything he said to me,i really never understood why he thought so highly of me,he was the most supportive among all my cousins every time i speak to him about my life and what i did so far,he was so proud of me,more than i am to my self,always spoke of me with pride,and always repeated "no matter what u become,a dentist,a photographer or anything else,you always remain the same person who i grew up with,and for that,i consider you the most genuine"
if i only knew that he said all that he said to me because he will depart this soon,i would have reacted differently every time he said something.

now that he is gone,everytime i see my kids,i remember that his hands didnt touch them,everytime i capture a photograph,and comments spree on them on facebook,i recall that his eyes didnt see them,everytime a happy incident happen to the family,i remember that he is no longer there to celebrate it.

people die,i have other relatives who died before but it never hit me the way my cousins death did,i still wake up at night and do nothing but thinking about him.

i move on from event in my life fairly quick,but this one seems like its gonna last for long.

but i promise you this my cousin,every success that i will achieve in my life from now on,is dedicated to you,because you,Ahmad, never doubted who i am.

Ahmad Al-Yamani, you will never be forgotten.
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P.S. this post started as a post for 2010 outcomes and 2011 resolutions,but ended up with this,you will know why in my next post.


Om Lujain© said...

3tham Allah ajrak... I am truly sorry for your loss... your words touched me, and moved me. I admire your strength, and I will keep your cousin in my prayers as well enshallah. Allah yr7ama.

Sharifa Lee said...

3atham allah ajrak fayiz... my deepest condolences to you and your family. It will be a long time before the pain and memory lets go of its grip... it will always be there. But not so close. This is one of those times where time really does heal the pain. I was very well acquainted with this pain when my very close uncle who was more like a brother passed away suddenly in a car accident.
i will keep you and ur family in my prayers. I will pray for you to have strength to endure. i will pray for your cousin. allah yerhamu.

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